Dealing with Disappointment

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Helping Children Deal with Disappointments, by Dr. Brad Schwall

Dr. Brad Schwall

Things in life do not always turn out the way we expect or hope. Lost games, mistakes on artwork, tumbled towers, and hurt feelings often leave children feeling upset and disappointed. How can parents teach their kids to be resilient and bounce back from setbacks?

Understand the cause of the disappointment

Unmet expectations can lead to disappointment and sadness. We have a picture in our mind of what we want to happen, and when it doesn’t happen, we often feel upset. Children are learning how to handle feelings and communicate making disappointments even more difficult to handle.

Be a guide

Parents, teachers, and caregivers are responsible for guiding children through the process of thinking about how they feel and working through the disappointment by listening, helping children identify their feelings, and encouraging them to problem-solve. Listening without judging, criticizing, or giving advice too quickly is the most important task in being a guide.

Teach problem-solving and positive self-talk

Help the child think of different ways to solve the problem. Help the child think of positive statements to make about the situation.

Give space and be available

Children may not always respond to our guidance. Step back to give the child time, but always communicate that you are available. Be responsive when your child does share, but avoid giving too much advice.

Think rationally

Disappointment is often caused by our own negative thinking. Find the positive in negative situations. Accept that things don’t always go the way you want, be grateful for the positives in your life, and be resilient.

Social and emotional skills help make classrooms and communities positive places to learn and live.

www.coolkidschannel.com/parentingtips, DrBrad@coolkidschannel.com.