Effective Discipline Strategy 4:  Listen, by Dr. Brad Schwall

Listening can actually be a discipline strategy. Often, undesirable behavior happens when a child is frustrated. Listening can help de-escalate strong emotions. Listening can lead to problem-solving to discover solutions to challenging situations. Listening leads to responding rather than reacting.

Listen to understand

When your child is frustrated, first try to understand specifically what led to the frustration even if the cause seems irrational or if the child is directing the anger at something other than the true cause.

Reflect the feeling

Help the child label the feeling by summarizing what you think he or she is feeling or asking what he or she is feeling.

Set limits on undesirable behavior

Explain that it is OK to be angry, but that people are to be spoken to and treated respectfully. Let the child know that negative behaviors lead to negative consequences and that positive behaviors lead to positive consequences.

Help problem-solve

Define the problem and guide the child to brainstorm solutions or offer some possible solutions to the problem. Problem-solving prevents power struggles by focusing on the problem rather than personality or the past. Problem-solving gets youth and adults to look for alternative, positive solutions and behaviors.