Knowing When to Step in and When to Step Back, by Dr. Brad Schwall

Read Dr. Brad's Dallas Morning News Dallas Moms blog: 7th Graders and Malls

We hold infants close to us.  We watch babies closely as they learn to crawl.  Toddlers assert their freedom and test the limits.  Children and youth need supervision, but as children grow older, they gain more freedom and we provide less supervision.  Our goal is to teach children to accept responsibility for their own actions and to develop self-discipline.  Our job is to train and guide them. Keep these principles in mind when making decisions about how involved to get in a problem or allowing a new privilege.

• Know your child.  Consider your child's temperament, needs, and level of responsibility.
• Consider the situation.  What actions will help your child progress the most in learning responsible decision-making?  What consequences are involved?
• Know your values.  What values do you want your child to possess?  How can your values inform you in making the decision?
• Stick to your values.  Be consistent with the freedom you give and the limits you set.
• Seek support and input from your spouse or, if a single parent, a trusted friend.
• Have clear expectations for behavior.  Establish specific rules.
• Show trust in your child.  Children can be encouraged to behave positively when we show them that we believe and trust that they are able to behave positively.
• Trust yourself.  Trust your own judgment, and remember that you can learn from your mistakes too.