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Schools and parents, teach children character-building skills with monthly Cool Kids lesson kits: Dr. Brad Schwall appears every other Sunday on Dallas/Fort Worth's ABC Affiliate, WFAA-TV, Channel 8, offering tips on parenting and familiy life. His next appearance: Sunday, October 21, 8:15 a.m. His topic: Teaching Children Resilience
These e-tips may be used in communications to parents. Include Dr. Brad Schwall's name and the Cool Kids website, www.coolkidschannel.com.
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Teaching Kids to Be Resilient, by Dr. Brad Schwall
My wife was diagnosed with breast cancer this past May. The first two months were agonizing. We did not know whether the cancer had spread. We did not know what the treatment plan would be.
Our kids wanted to know everything. We did not have answers. They were worried every time we were on the phone wondering if we were talking to a doctor. They felt angry, sad, and afraid. They did not believe us when we said everything would be "fine" because we continued to get bad news.Our kids' strong feelings of worry, sadness, and anger were almost more upsetting to my wife and I than the actual cancer.
The experience has made me realize that there is more to parenting than just simple strategies, but we must start somewhere. Tips seem too trite for situations like the one my family has been facing, but I believe that there are some tools that can be helpful in handling such situations. For me, the goal has become helping my children become even more resilient than they already were.
Tips for Helping Kids Be Resilient in Difficult Situations
- Be honest. Let them know what they need to know but not more than they need to know.
- Accept feelings. Denying children's feelings leads them to question what they are feeling and hold in their feelings.
- Show understanding. Express that you understand why your child might be feeling that way.
- Keep routines as normal as possible.
- Though it is good to talk about what is happening, set boundaries around talking about your difficulty too much with friends and family in front of your children.
- Give assurance. Assure your children of what you can control -- that you love them, that together, you can make it through anything, and that circumstances do not have to determine attitude.
- Be patient.
The Lessons We Learned
- Parenting never goes perfectly. Parenting is not easy.
- Bad things can happen.
- You can survive and even thrive through bad things.
- You can be truly happy even in difficult circumstances.
- Being anxious about the unknown never helps.
- You cannot control life, but you can control how you approach it.
- Faith and relationships are the foundations for a good life.
My wife has finished chemotherapy and is almost finished with radiation. She is resilient, but I am sorry she has had to go through this. We are grateful for the care she has received from doctors, friends, and family.
My family didn't need a life lesson. I think we already had our priorities straight, but do what we are doing now -- take advantage of every moment with your kids, enjoy life!
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