Helping Youth Handle Pressure: A Reflection on the Film Race to Nowhere, by Dr. Brad Schwall 

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I recently participated as a panelist in a discussion after a screening of Race to Nowhere, a film by Vicki Abeles, at Highland Park United Methodist Church in Dallas, Texas.  The film addresses the pressures placed on students to perform and the demands that come with striving to achieve academically. 

Several issues may contribute to the pressure youth experience. 

• Youth might feel they need to perform to please their parents. 
  
• We often associate having a busy schedule with being needed, included, and involved.  It seems that we believe that if we do not have many commitments, we are not important. 
  
• The need to perform may distract from feelings of isolation or a lack of contentment.
  
• Bio-chemical factors, mental health, life circumstances, and modeled behaviors also contribute to the pressures youth experience.

The pressure to achieve and meet self-imposed standards for performance may lead to worry, anxiety, and physical symptoms, such as headaches and stomachaches.  Youth may try to escape pressure by quitting trying or not caring.  Or, they may respond to pressure by rebelling, acting out with harmful or risky behaviors.

We all experience pressure.  Healthy pressure may motivate us to achieve important accomplishments.  We want our children to be motivated.  We do have control.  We can accept certain pressures and also choose not to take on other pressures.

The Goals and Strategies for Countering the Pressure

• Help youth have a healthy desire to achieve goals.
• Encourage youth to be engaged in learning rather than just trying to comply with requirements.
• Guide youth to learn to base their sense of self on who they are rather than their accomplishments. 

Ensure that your child performs to achieve her or his own goals rather than to please you or some perceived standard by focusing on your child's interests and pride in her or his work.  Allow your child to own the responsibility for completing work and failing to complete work.  Allow your child to experience the rewards of doing good work and the consequences of not doing work well.

Balance your desire for your child to succeed with your child's need to develop self-motivation.  Pushing a child leads to the opposite effect – the child is pushed away from what you are wanting.  It's a natural reaction to want to do the opposite of what someone is pressuring us to do because the pressure implies that we can't be trusted to make wise decisions on our own.

To help your child manage pressure and have healthy priorities:

• Focus on the enjoyment of learning more than just the accomplishment of tasks for a grade.
• Help your child learn how to manage time.
• Communicate with teachers. 
• Pass along affirmations from teachers about personality and engagement to your child beyond just grades.
• Help your child learn to problem-solve when work needs improvement rather than concentrating on personality or lack of motivation. 
• Never attribute to children that they are lazy or apathetic, instead, help them problem-solve to get back to where they need to be.
• Encourage exercise, a good diet, and a healthy amount of sleep.
• Don't compare your child to others.
• Know your child.
• Help your child find interests and activities that inspire and motivate your child.

Ask yourself about your own priorities and values. 

• What are you modeling for your child?
• Are you focused on performance or fulfillment?
• Are you encouraging your child to reach her or his potential or just get by?
• Are you focusing on your own disappointment in your child's lack of effort or your own pleasure in your child's accomplishments or encouraging ownership by your child of mistakes as well as achievements?