Cool Kids Parenting Tips

The other day, my thirteen-year-old son asked, "Why do people make such a big deal about parenting teens? How would it be so hard?"

Though I've enjoyed every stage of parenting, I must say I'm really enjoying being able to talk, joke, and laugh with my 9-year-old and 13-year-old. I'm enjoying their personalities. Every stage of development has its challenges. That's the excitement of parenting. Every stage of child development requires adjustments in the parenting approach. Several shifts in parenting style happen as children become adolescents.

Teens need more opportunities for self-direction. Being a consultant or guide can encourage teens to make decisions for themselves while still staying involved in their decision-making.

Join with them in thinking about choices and evaluating consequences. Encourage them when they have wise observations about choices in life. Avoid lecturing. A side-by-side approach to decision-making shows more trust in the teen than a top-down approach. Showing trust can encourage teens to want to prove they are trustworthy.

Listening helps show teens that you are there to support them rather than dictate what they should do. Teens need to learn to think on their own. Listening gives them the opportunity to sort through their thoughts. Listening rather than reacting also encourages them to feel safe sharing with you.

Bad choices naturally have bad consequences - allow the consequences to happen. Set limits ahead of time and inform teens of the consequences of braking limits beforehand. Teens need opportunities to be successful at being independent. Consistency in expectations, limits, and consequences is key.

Just because teens are more independent, doesn't mean we are supposed to completely withdraw. Continue to nurture your relationship with your teen.

Is Parenting Teens Really That Difficult?, by Dr. Brad Schwall