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5 Things You Need to Say to Your Kids, by Dr. Brad Schwall


Communicate these messages with words and actions.

1.  “I am here for you.”

Being present builds trust and intimacy.

How to say it:
  • Be at as many games, recitals, and performances as possible.
  • Be involved.  Volunteer to help with your child's activities.  The more you are involved in your child's life, the more you have to talk about.
  • Be there for down time too.  
  • Always be there with your full attention. 
If you are not there physically and emotionally, your child you come to accept and expect your absence.

2.  “I hear you.”

Listening encourages your child to feel understood and share more.

How to say it:
  • Listen attentively.
  • Reflect feelings.
  • Show excitement when your child shares about accomplishments.
  • Guide your child to problem-solve when she comes to you with a concern.
  • Just listen.  Sometimes kids (and adults) just want to share.  They don't want advice.
Lectures and repeating “Uh-huh” without really listening discourages children from sharing.

3.  “My job is to prepare you for life.”

You communicate your care through the structure and supervision you provide.

How to say it:

  • Make rules that are specific and clear.  
  • Step in to give guidance and step back to let your child make choices on his own.   
  • Focus your guidance and discipline on equipping your child with skills for life.

4.  “I make mistakes.”

We sometimes have a bad day or respond to our children impatiently.  You do not lose your authority when you admit your mistakes and apologize.

How to say it:
  • After disagreements, forgive and apologize.   
  • Be specific about what you did that was not quite right.
  • Apologize.
Our children know we make mistakes whether we admit it or not.

5.  “I love you no matter what.”

  • Be specific in your praise.
  • Be caring every day.
  • Re-connect after disagreements.
  • Pay attention.
  • Show interest.

Love expressed with words does not have meaning unless it is backed up by actions.  Our children will remember the overall impact of our daily interactions with them.
  
 
    © Dr. Brad Schwall - Cool Kids. All Rights Reserved.

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