How to Say It, by Dr. Brad Schwall

How to Respond to Anger

• Reflect the feeling or ask the child what he or she is feeling.
• Repeat what you heard her say about what he or she is feeling.
• Help problem-solve.
  

"I know it's frustrating when a tower you built falls down."
"It sounds like you're frustrated that John talks to you while you're reading.  I wonder what you can do to deal with that."  
"I can understand that you're mad that your sister isn't letting you use the computer.  How could you solve the problem?"

How to Give a Direction

• Describe exactly what you want to happen.
  

"In the restaurant, I want you to stay in your seat and use your indoor voice.  We have some things we can talk about and I have some crayons and a coloring book."
"I want you to get your football gear on including cleats, and come downstairs to leave for your game."
"Show me you're listening by being still, quiet, and looking at me."

How to Set a Limit

• Direct the limit on a specific behavior.
• When appropriate, give an alternative.

"The couch is not for jumping on.  You may jump outside or on the floor, but the couch is not for jumping on."
"Your brother is not for hitting.  When you are mad, talk about what you're feeling and work on a solution to the problem."
"The directions are to stay quiet while the class is working so that you do not disturb your classmates."

How to Affirm

• Be specific.
• Help the child develop a sense of pride in oneself.