How to Handle Anger, from Tantrums to Attitudes, by Dr. Brad Schwall

It’s your job as a parent to guide your child to identify feelings, express feelings, and problem-solve.  You do this best by listening to understand the feeling and guiding your child to decide how to deal with the feeling – and by staying calm.

Tantrums at Stores

• Listen:  Express that you understand your child is not getting what he wants.

• Guide:  Help your preschooler express what he is upset about.  Help him problem-solve if appropriate.  Divert his attention from what is frustrating.  Move on. 

Sibling Squabbles on the Couch

• Listen:  Express that you understand that they both want room on the couch to watch TV.
  

• Guide:  Ask them to brainstorm solutions to their problem, such as moving to other seats, stretching their legs out in front of them, or taking turns.  Be a coach teaching them how to problem-solve rather than a referee reacting to penalties.

Sports Frustrations

• Listen:  Reflect that you know your child wants to do her best and that she is frustrated when she makes mistakes.

• Guide: Guide her to think of what she liked about her effort and performance.  Help her see that encouraging other players even when they may make mistakes benefits the team.  Help her understand that everyone makes mistakes. 

Attitudes

• Listen:  Focus on the feeling your pre-teen or teen is having more than on the way in which the feeling is communicated.

• Guide:  Ask your pre-teen or teen to describe his feeling in a respectful way.  Allow your teen or pre-teen to think of solutions to his problem on his own.  Staying out of the argument holds him accountable for dealing with the feeling.

Copyright 2008, Dr. Brad Schwall, www.coolkidschannel.com.  Permission is given for re-printing and distribution.